Doing something now.

First things first....I created this blog in order to write. It really serves no other purpose than to allow me to say what is inside my head.

I am so astounded by how quickly time flies by us. I tell a lady I work with named Debbie..."don't wish your days away" because she is always wanting it to be friday. it's pretty typical to wish for this. i know I have. But I've found that a moment feels real but soon it becomes the past before your eyes. And what became of that moment? Did it touch eternity? Sadly, most of the moments fall to the floor like tear drops.

i have changed more than I could ever imagined in the past few years. Everyone said it would happen. I have become a woman yet some things seem unsettled. I have learned reality. Yeah, it's no fun. This world can take away the gift of dreaming so quickly. Luckily, I still have mine. So does my husband. When will we travel? When will we never worry about money? When will our jobs be our passions? When will we have perfect body building bodies? Who knows. But it's nice to talk to him about what ifs. In our own ways we are free spirits just wanting to experience more than the ground.

I love my job. I work with special needs teenagers. i can not say where or what the foundation because it is confidential. It's very small. They take in the kids people have given up on. Neglected, abused, hurting, dirty...and they will curse you until it becomes a normal everyday thing. Yes, a few really test my patience. However, to see them succeed is more gratifying that anything in the world. I have seen glimmers of hope in their sad eyes. It makes every moment worth while.

I have started eating clean...or trying to anyways. It's two days until Christmas and those treats look might tasty! I also have made a commitment to having the best body I could possibly have no matter how long it takes. I overcame some bad habits which inspired me to discipline myself in this way. i work out everyday except for two days. I come out red faced and sweaty....no glamour. Although there is this one girl there I love to watch. She has a PERFECT body...and she is beautiful. That's not why I like to watch her. She stares at herself and fixes her makeup in between sets. I also heard her tell her mom in the locker room that she wasn't trying hard enough when working out! yikes. I believe this is something I am supposed to do. It is hard and I have failed several times already but I am getting back up! It is not because I think I am fat and ugly. It is for health reasons. I want to live healthy and feel good. I am also very curious as to what all of this muscle mass could accomplish! I'll let you know how it goes...maybe if i feel gutsy I will post before and during and after pictures!

Anyways, Austin is at work tonight. It's just me and Mercie. She's asleep. Iron and Wine is keeping me company.

over and out.