Well, it's Wednesday and I have had 5 days off of school from the snow. Today was a half day and to be honest...it was pretty half hearted on my part. I just felt like I should still be at home curled up on the couch or playing in the snow with Austin and Mercie. I found myself wishing to be snowed in again! How awesome it was to be in the comfort of my little apartment. Ahhh sweetness. I probably would have eventually gotten bored and anxious. There was just so much to do and think about!
Lately I have been asking myself several questions. My heart does not feel content with what I already accept as the truth. Like, sometimes I know i don't know everything there is to know, so I will just pretend that what I already know is the truth. Lately, this is not acceptable. Questions of purpose, challenges, change and faith are running circles in my mind. They are running very gracefully. It is as if God himself is speaking to me very slowly and showing me a simple presentation- for now. I have this feeling it gets more intense!
I have been very brave lately. It is actually kind of scary how brave I feel! I mean if there was a weeny girl it would be me! I can be set in concrete of fear. Don't try to move me! But with the questions I have been asking this one keeps coming up- MELODY WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BABY? WHAT ARE YOU SO SCARED OF? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR! GET OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE AND FOLLOW JESUS!- ok, so that is not really a question and it also is not grammatically correct. (one dollar to anyone who finds the error)
Have you ever heard anyone say that the things you are most afraid of are the things you were meant to do? Why would our flesh cry out or Satan use his manipulative tactics to scare us if it were something we were not meant to do? It comes down to this- we all know the truth. It is set in our hearts. Those questions of "what if I had just done it" exist for a reason.
When I think about how I want my life to be I think the word "adventure". Ironically, I am a chicken! CLUCK CLUCK! So satan, demons and self- you can stuff your hole with my chicken feathers FLYING AWAY FROM YOU. HA.
I do not want to live a life about ME. I want to live a life about Jesus. So, I am excited and terrified. I may need water wings for my first ocean excursion!
I can not shake the thought of seeing the world, experiencing life outside of what I know and sharing Jesus with the world. So, I won't shake this thought...but I will shake my body to the beat of life! (ok cheeeesy)
love and peace out mothas
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Another year
Wow. 2010. It seems like just yesterday we were in our old apartment celebrating 2009 and discovering a song by the TingTings called..."That's not my name". I believe the year 2009 was the most eye opening year of my life so far. I look back just one year and I see so much more than I saw then. I feel like I learned what looking ahead and anticipating life's surprises really meant- because when you don't you get slapped in the face with reality!
God has been so good. I have watched my brother be blessed with a wife. I enjoy watching him look at her because I can tell he truly loves and adores her. I haven't seen that in him for awhile. He is a testimony that God is faithful.
I watched my sister-in-law endure so much pain with the sickness of my niece Kate. I also watched as she praised the Lord for the miracles He's done in her life. Kate is my angel. When I look at her I see a little piece of heaven. I just hope she knows how much I love her. I hope she can see that in my eyes. I have another niece now as well, little Layla D. I have seen how God is the author of a family, not genetics. Every time I am around this family my heart soars. It is literally like Jesus is in our midst. You can feel the joy.
My husband is an amazing man. The way he loves me is so sweet. Have we fought about him leaving his tea maker out on the counter? Yes. Has he had to pick up bowls off the floor that i let Mercie lick? Yes. Regardless, at the end of the day he is my best friend. He is the one I want to call in the middle of the day. He is the one that I put my cold feet on. He is the one that puts up with my moodiness. Almost two years now and he is still the one I kiss goodnight. Everyday is a learning process. I can not wait to see what God has planned for us this year. I can see his hand working already.
My job has been a surprisingly enjoyable journey. I have left there in tears, crying for their pain and disabilities. But there have been moments of endless laughter with them as well. Nothing could replace the time I have been given with them. Some of them are so mean, so hateful....they throw things and cuss. But they need us. And we have been called to be there, for whatever reason...we are there to love.
Life is so precious. Resolutions I have not...Desires I have many.
More Jesus. Less Melody.
God has been so good. I have watched my brother be blessed with a wife. I enjoy watching him look at her because I can tell he truly loves and adores her. I haven't seen that in him for awhile. He is a testimony that God is faithful.
I watched my sister-in-law endure so much pain with the sickness of my niece Kate. I also watched as she praised the Lord for the miracles He's done in her life. Kate is my angel. When I look at her I see a little piece of heaven. I just hope she knows how much I love her. I hope she can see that in my eyes. I have another niece now as well, little Layla D. I have seen how God is the author of a family, not genetics. Every time I am around this family my heart soars. It is literally like Jesus is in our midst. You can feel the joy.
My husband is an amazing man. The way he loves me is so sweet. Have we fought about him leaving his tea maker out on the counter? Yes. Has he had to pick up bowls off the floor that i let Mercie lick? Yes. Regardless, at the end of the day he is my best friend. He is the one I want to call in the middle of the day. He is the one that I put my cold feet on. He is the one that puts up with my moodiness. Almost two years now and he is still the one I kiss goodnight. Everyday is a learning process. I can not wait to see what God has planned for us this year. I can see his hand working already.
My job has been a surprisingly enjoyable journey. I have left there in tears, crying for their pain and disabilities. But there have been moments of endless laughter with them as well. Nothing could replace the time I have been given with them. Some of them are so mean, so hateful....they throw things and cuss. But they need us. And we have been called to be there, for whatever reason...we are there to love.
Life is so precious. Resolutions I have not...Desires I have many.
More Jesus. Less Melody.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Doing something now.
First things first....I created this blog in order to write. It really serves no other purpose than to allow me to say what is inside my head.
I am so astounded by how quickly time flies by us. I tell a lady I work with named Debbie..."don't wish your days away" because she is always wanting it to be friday. it's pretty typical to wish for this. i know I have. But I've found that a moment feels real but soon it becomes the past before your eyes. And what became of that moment? Did it touch eternity? Sadly, most of the moments fall to the floor like tear drops.
i have changed more than I could ever imagined in the past few years. Everyone said it would happen. I have become a woman yet some things seem unsettled. I have learned reality. Yeah, it's no fun. This world can take away the gift of dreaming so quickly. Luckily, I still have mine. So does my husband. When will we travel? When will we never worry about money? When will our jobs be our passions? When will we have perfect body building bodies? Who knows. But it's nice to talk to him about what ifs. In our own ways we are free spirits just wanting to experience more than the ground.
I love my job. I work with special needs teenagers. i can not say where or what the foundation because it is confidential. It's very small. They take in the kids people have given up on. Neglected, abused, hurting, dirty...and they will curse you until it becomes a normal everyday thing. Yes, a few really test my patience. However, to see them succeed is more gratifying that anything in the world. I have seen glimmers of hope in their sad eyes. It makes every moment worth while.
I have started eating clean...or trying to anyways. It's two days until Christmas and those treats look might tasty! I also have made a commitment to having the best body I could possibly have no matter how long it takes. I overcame some bad habits which inspired me to discipline myself in this way. i work out everyday except for two days. I come out red faced and sweaty....no glamour. Although there is this one girl there I love to watch. She has a PERFECT body...and she is beautiful. That's not why I like to watch her. She stares at herself and fixes her makeup in between sets. I also heard her tell her mom in the locker room that she wasn't trying hard enough when working out! yikes. I believe this is something I am supposed to do. It is hard and I have failed several times already but I am getting back up! It is not because I think I am fat and ugly. It is for health reasons. I want to live healthy and feel good. I am also very curious as to what all of this muscle mass could accomplish! I'll let you know how it goes...maybe if i feel gutsy I will post before and during and after pictures!
Anyways, Austin is at work tonight. It's just me and Mercie. She's asleep. Iron and Wine is keeping me company.
over and out.
I am so astounded by how quickly time flies by us. I tell a lady I work with named Debbie..."don't wish your days away" because she is always wanting it to be friday. it's pretty typical to wish for this. i know I have. But I've found that a moment feels real but soon it becomes the past before your eyes. And what became of that moment? Did it touch eternity? Sadly, most of the moments fall to the floor like tear drops.
i have changed more than I could ever imagined in the past few years. Everyone said it would happen. I have become a woman yet some things seem unsettled. I have learned reality. Yeah, it's no fun. This world can take away the gift of dreaming so quickly. Luckily, I still have mine. So does my husband. When will we travel? When will we never worry about money? When will our jobs be our passions? When will we have perfect body building bodies? Who knows. But it's nice to talk to him about what ifs. In our own ways we are free spirits just wanting to experience more than the ground.
I love my job. I work with special needs teenagers. i can not say where or what the foundation because it is confidential. It's very small. They take in the kids people have given up on. Neglected, abused, hurting, dirty...and they will curse you until it becomes a normal everyday thing. Yes, a few really test my patience. However, to see them succeed is more gratifying that anything in the world. I have seen glimmers of hope in their sad eyes. It makes every moment worth while.
I have started eating clean...or trying to anyways. It's two days until Christmas and those treats look might tasty! I also have made a commitment to having the best body I could possibly have no matter how long it takes. I overcame some bad habits which inspired me to discipline myself in this way. i work out everyday except for two days. I come out red faced and sweaty....no glamour. Although there is this one girl there I love to watch. She has a PERFECT body...and she is beautiful. That's not why I like to watch her. She stares at herself and fixes her makeup in between sets. I also heard her tell her mom in the locker room that she wasn't trying hard enough when working out! yikes. I believe this is something I am supposed to do. It is hard and I have failed several times already but I am getting back up! It is not because I think I am fat and ugly. It is for health reasons. I want to live healthy and feel good. I am also very curious as to what all of this muscle mass could accomplish! I'll let you know how it goes...maybe if i feel gutsy I will post before and during and after pictures!
Anyways, Austin is at work tonight. It's just me and Mercie. She's asleep. Iron and Wine is keeping me company.
over and out.
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